Who is this guy? [The Stranger by Albert Camus]

I don't know how I think about Meursault. I believe he is human but his personality confuses me. One thing that I think I realize is that he seems to be hiding his feelings somewhere inside of him. He doesn't show his emotions in the book, even though we are inside his mind or that Albert Camus was writing his character that is out of our predictions. He is one of the rare characters that I have seen that doesn't give much emotions on the outside. When Raymond and he was together and Raymond asked him what he think about the girl cheating on him but Meursault responded, "I said I didn't think anything but that it was interesting" (32). When he said that quote, I thought I can connect to him because when people tell me things that they had experience and I didn't, I can't really think about it as much as I would if I did experience it. Then I would say to them, "ah, I see" or "interesting" like Meursault did and after saying that, somehow, I wouldn't ask pass anymore. This made me connect to Banach of why we can't feel each others feelings as much as we thought we would; how we are all alone and can only feel our own feelings and not the others. Though I would still think it is interesting when they tell me what they want to tell me because if I feel that my mind is blank; not really thinking about what they are saying; all I would be coming up was, "sure, very interesting".

In chapter 1, where he was describing all the details - the trip to the home where Maman was, then having to see the friends of Maman to come in the vigil, seeing them cried and wishing they be quiet, then having to walk to the church, I thought he was rather interesting but also a bit heartless even though his mother died. The details that he wrote like this quote: "the sticky black of the tar, the dull black of all the clothes, and the shiny black of the hearse. All of it - the sun, the smell of leather and horse dung from the hearse, the smell of varnish and incense and my fatigue after a night without sleep - was making it hard for me to see or think straight" (17). When I read it again, even though he said his fatigue is making him hard to see or think straight, he was able to provide so many details of what's going on as well as throughout the whole chapter. However, he does not mention all the things that I would have predict he would be doing if he wasn't a character like that such as mourning for his mother, thinking about memories about his mother; doing some kind of action and thinking that makes us feel sad for him rather than having me thought of him as a detached person plus 95% heartless. I also see that he never talked about his mother much though technically, I thought he should have been. He seems to be ignoring about the actual important thing (his mother being dead); doesn't seem to care as much as he thought he is and is focusing on details of other things around him. Overall, I'm trying to convey that Meursault is a character that don't like focusing on the main/big event that is happening in the chapter but is looking around for the less noticeable things.

Meursault, a detached character seems to come back when people asked him about his mothers death or telling him that they are sorry for her death. In chapter 5, when Salamano had lost his dog, then had a talk with Meursault and at the end of that, "He said he supposed I must be very sad since Maman died, and I didn't say anything" (45). My big question: Why isn't he saying anything? That gets me stuck and frustrated because I don't think I have an answer/prediction of what he would say. Before, he would keep telling people that it isn't his fault but now he is keeping quiet. And I wonder if Albert Camus is trying to tell us to insert our own answer into his place. I'm thinking about it now but nothing is coming up; feels as if my mind is like a blank sheet of paper. Now that I think about it, I think Meursault is a whiteness person. White symbolizes pure, innocent, and I would add: random into it as well because to be a person that symbolizes white, we might not get what that person thinks most of the time. Because nobody is completely white or completely black; that might be why its hard to understand or connect to him. Meursault doesn't think about much things as I am perceiving him in the chapters I have read and the way he answers to the questions like when Marie ask him if he wants to marry her, he responded, "I said it didn't mean any difference to me and that we could if she wanted to" (41). In one way I think he believes nothing is worth the thinking, so he replied in a way to Marie that marriage is nothing, which is sad. But on the other hand, I wonder if he does actually care since he said, "we could if she wanted to", which made me thought that he is caring for Marie's feelings. It sounded as if he actually loves her (a bit or more). I think a lot of his replies, his thinkings are interpret to both ways as I just did, which adds to the confusion more. Just what do Albert Camus want us to do and think by reading Meursault's life?

I don't think Meursault is a jerk or else it wouldn't be this confusing reading about his decisions. I think the meaning behind his decisions are being twisted around because there are always the two fundamental answers, the yes side or the no side. Like how we are as well; sometimes we make a decision that we're not sure of and that can be interpret differently by what others think of. Though I think Meursault's decisions are harder to interpret. In the book, he doesn't express his feelings much but more around what's around him (showing his observing skills), which made me wonder if decisions are hard for him to do. I think words are hard to be said out when it comes to our feelings. There are a lot of times when words can't come out as easily as I would imagine. People would ask me "what's wrong?" (I don't like that question, but I don't know why) when they see that I have not a happy face. Then I think about if I should tell them, or would they understand. So if I did want to explain it, words wouldn't come out because I don't know how to express it and I would say, "whatever, not going to explain it" in my mind. Which ended as I would shook my head and said, "nothing". If The Strangers was made into a film, I wonder how they would do Meursault's expressions because I think expressions are one thing that I think we can't hide well when its taken by surprise.

Even though I said that Meursault is a character that is confusing, I think it is confusing because Albert Camus is trying to mix all the personalities/beliefs/ideas/and all the "etc/stuff" that we are rather ignorant about; or more that we don't think we are doing it. And since he is an existentialist, I thought he wrote Meursault like that because there are rare people like him, that we rarely interact with (I guess the ignorant part) and I feel that Meursault is a part of Albert Camus. He is the observer of the world but he doesn't seem to comment on it, and goes with the flow in some ways; sometimes just agrees like becoming friends with his neighbors that doesn't have friends. And by thinking he is the observer, I think it makes more sense that he is a stranger to us because we're the subject that he is experimenting on. I may get some of what he is thinking but I don't think I can understand his ways of thinking or how Albert Camus is creating this character until I read more. Or maybe I would not get it even if I read the whole book.

Signs off... o.O